Several themes play out through The Memory Keeper’s Daughter. They each carry their own message. The themes surround secrets, grief, and developmentally disabled children.
David Henry’s secret tears his family apart and causes more grief than he can imagine. His intentions are good, but a secret still weighs a person down. He has to carry a heavy burden of secrecy and guilt which becomes heavier as time passes. The guilt eats away at David. Similarly, Reverend Arthur Dimmesdale from The Scarlet Letter held great guilt from a secret, and the guilt manifested itself in physical pain. Rev. felt even greater guilt because he felt like a hypocrite for his sins ("Plot Summary: The Scarlet Letter"). To keep from feeling like a hypocrite, David allows Norah’s affairs and Paul’s rebellion to happen without any serious consequences. From David we can learn that even with the right intentions, doing wrong does not help any situation and only causes more harm.
Part of David’s reasoning for giving away his daughter was the grief he still felt from when his sister died. He did not allow himself to grieve for his sister which affected his actions later. The rest of the Henry family, except for Phoebe, had their own grief they had to cope with. Each of them grieved differently, but Paul’s way allowed him to release his without harming others. When we grieve, we need to find a way to release it in a non harmful manner.
During the 1960s, sending developmentally disabled children away was common and recommended as people did not know how to take care of them. However, Caroline Gill decided she could not just dump a child with Down’s syndrome in a horrendous institution. She saw more potential in Phoebe than the rest of the world saw. She fought for the rights of people with Down’s syndrome. Because Caroline believed in Phoebe and took care of her, Phoebe flourished much more than what the world expected. This shows us that we should not try to limit others because of disabilities. They can flourish if given the chance and care.